A Pond Away

Broken Promises

2009-08-06T01:37:00.000-07:00

I have been promising myself and Angie that I was going to be more faithful with the blog posting. I have even in my mind logged in a million times over and yet never did it. I am sitting here at 4:30 a.m. because I can't sleep from acid reflux issues and have just decided to write. I know that I need accountability. I have been doing horribly and I am so proud of Angie for doing so well, she is in control and achieving her goals that a tiny bit of my feels even like a bigger failure for not being in control. I am a no nonsense kind of gal and feel like there is no use in complaining about things unless you are going to do something about them because honestly you are in control and we are defined by our choices. OUCH, that stinks - we are defined by our choices! Well, with that being said I have made a lot of darn choices. Here I am 33 years old, single, feeling lonely and obese. WOW, good combo! I THINK NOT! I am in control of my life, it is about darn time I take control back.

I have a lot of living left to do and I have a lot of will to live. I am just trapped in this fat girl body and I am ready to get out!

With that being said. I am making a list of forbiddens for myself. Things that are not allowed, things that are just not an option for me.

*soda
*fast food
*sweet tea
*trail mix

All of those items are unnecessary and start a downward spiral for myself.

Do you have any forbiddens?

Summer

2009-07-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the absence - I have been busy. I've also been adjusting to using a laptop instead of computer. I am finally getting the hang of it. At least now I will have internet access on the weekends, while I am at the coast.

I lost 5 pounds this week which I know sounds good but it isn't when it is part of the 6 gained the week before. I am so happy though, because the old me would have let that slip up ruin everything but instead I carried on. I feel great, it is so good to be in control for a change. I am really hoping for a good weigh in on Monday, and I will update on here properly then.

The weather here in the UK is hot and sunny this week. So I am enjoying watching Wimbledon, getting plenty of walking in and eating some low fat, low cal lollies and ice creams for treats. And, of course some strawberries but I have had them without the cream :)

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

2009-06-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 240 lb / 17st 2 lb
* This week gained 6 pounds *

So far lost 41 lb / 2st 12lb

Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22
Next mini goal 224 / 16st
Angie x

OH MY GOSH - I am a walking disaster! All I did was take Friday and Saturday off and I gained 6 pounds. That is ridiculous. I didn't go over by all that much.

OK I need to realise that this is a fluke. Maybe water or something. I need to make sure it doesn't throw me off my diet. Just keep on doing what I was doing before. I lost 47 pounds so it must be working.

Belated weigh In for Monday 15th June 2009

2009-06-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)
Current weight 234 lb / 16st 10 lb

* This week lost 3 pounds *
So far lost 47 lb / 3st 4lb
Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22

Next mini goal 224 / 16st

Angie x

Hello - here is my weigh in from almost a week ago! I have been sooooo busy I didn't have chance to post until now. But I am happy to report that I have lost 3 pounds.

I have been working some extra hours and also I bought a new laptop which is taking up my precious spare time, I am trying to adjust to using it. Plus I am having to load everything up and transfer my pictures and files from my old PC to the laptop. NOT that I am complaining though - I LOVE it!

I have also taken an unplanned diet break over the weekend. I have been to the coast and we had friends to stay. Of course that involved going to the pub quite a bit. I did allow myself some beer on Friday night and we ate out on Saturday and today. I haven't gone too mad but I am so surprised to report that I really missed my healthy eating! I can't wait to get back into routine tomorrow. I don't know what the weigh in will bring - but whatever the outcome, I am so ready to have a great week.

Getting Serious...with myself!

2009-06-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, remember me? I read all these blogs and I find so much inspiration and I love that people are conquering their demons and making their goals and I think to myself that could be me but deep down I know what it will take to get there and I think to myself I have failed so many times there is no way it could ever be me.

WOW, did any of that make sense? The long and short is that I sabotage myself. Through thoughts, self doubt, lack of ambition, laziness, you name it and I do it.

Quite honestly I am sick of it. I am sick of all of it. I am sick of being a failure. I am sick of being fat, I am sick of being out of shape, I am sick of not living my life. I am sick of being sick.
There is ABSOLUTELY NO reason I cannot accomplish my goals. There is no reason I cannot keep up with things. There is no reason except that I have become EXTREMELY lazy. `

I hope to be better about updating here because I really want a record of my progress. I think the reason I lack journaling of any sort is because I worry about failure or that I know I won’t keep up with it but the questions I have to ask myself is did I ever really try?

Weigh In 8th June 2009

2009-06-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 237 lb / 16st 13 lb
* This week lost 5 pounds *

So far lost 43 lb / 3st 1lb

Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22
Next mini goal 224 / 16st

Angie x

I am feeling so good right now. I am down 5 pounds this week. At last a decent loss - woohoo.
I am so focused again, thank goodness. I ate out at a chinese restaurant tonight with my man, J and my parents. I stayed in control and managed to handle the situation easily. I only ate a really small portion and because I was casual about it, no one really noticed. When we arrived back home, J mentioned to me that he noticed I didn't eat much and asked why. I said I didn't want to spoil my diet. He said he was really impressed with my willpower. (What MY willpower? wow - I actually have willpower?!) But, do you know what? I am impressed with myself. And it is a really loonnnnnng time since that happened. Please please please let me keep it up!

Weigh In - 1st June 2009

2009-06-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)
Current weight 242 lb / 17st 4 lb

* This week lost 1 pound *
So far lost 38 lb / 2st 10 lb
Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22

Next mini goal 224 / 16st
Angie x

My total Sparkpoints for May = 908
TOTAL Spark Exercise Minutes for May= 660
(my April minutes were 520)

My new target for June is 1000 - can I do it?

My new mini goal is 224

I am also giving up chocolate and sweet foods and only allowed Weightwatchers cake etc

Update

2009-05-27T05:34:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 243 lb / 17st 4 lb
* This week gained 1 pound *

So far lost 38 lb / 2st 10 lb

Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22
Next mini goal 224 / 16st

Angie x

Spark Exercise Minutes for May (so far) = 660

(my April minutes were 520)

Sorry I've been MIA. I am really disappointed that I allowed myself to fall off track for the best part of a week. I don't know why. I am finding it hard but I will get back in to this.

I think by setting small goals along the way, I can achieve what I set out to do. I am just concentrating on that goal and I'm not even thinking any further ahead. I do want to set a time frame for this but I want to do it slowly. I am already feeling better in my clothes, I feel fitter but I know I have a long, long way to go.

It's time to set some new goals.......

My new goal is 224 pounds by ? (I still have to decide on this)
I will not eat any chocolate or sweet foods unless they are Weightwatchers (or diet friendly)
I will exercise 1000 minutes in June.
I will track my food on SP every day.

Weigh in for Monday, May 18, 2009

2009-05-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 285 (Jan 09)

Current weight 246

So far lost 39 lb.

Next mini goal 238
Fitness minutes for May = 600 min

Weigh in for 11th May 2009

2009-05-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)
Current weight 242 1/4 lb / 17st 4 1/4 lb

* This week lost 1 pounds *
So far lost 38 3/4 lb / 2st 10 3/4 lb
Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22/24

Next mini goal 238 / 17st
Angie x

Only one pound this week which doesn't match the time and effort I've put in but I am still happy - a loss is a loss!

Weigh In Monday

2009-05-04T04:53:00.000-07:00

I promised Angie I would start doing Weigh In Mondays with her. I have just not been consistent. I finished up April with only missing 1 day of working out. I just walked but at least I did something everyday. For the month of May we have committed to doing 620 min. of cardio. So far I have 35, can you tell that I need to step it up?

Starting weight 285 (Jan 09)
Current weight 252
So far lost 33 lb.
Next mini goal 238

Fitness minutes for May = 35 min.

Weigh In - Monday 4th May 2009

2009-05-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 243 1/4 lb / 17st 5 1/4 lb
* This week lost 3 pounds *

So far lost 37 3/4 lb / 2st 9 3/4 lb

Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22/24
Next mini goal 238 / 17st

Angie x

Sunday 3rd May 2009

2009-05-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

This has been a difficult week food wise. I have really struggled not to give in to temptations. I don't really know why but I expect it is due to a touch of PMT (PMS). Thursday and Friday were the hardest days. I was really hungry and craving chocolate, well any food at all. If was one of those times when I could have eaten and eaten and never been satisfied. I was lucky to have lots of online support (special thanks to my sparkbuddies and Kim!) and I drank lots of Sugar Free Ribena to help me through. I did succumb to half a cream bun and a packet of Rolos on Thursday night but other than that I did stay in control. I am very proud of myself - it is a first for me!

Yesterday I finally felt back to normal. I am enjoying my food and exercise again and am quite happy with the meals and snacks I am having. I went out shopping and restocked the freezer with Weight Watcher Meals. They are my new lifesaver. Whenever the family are eating something I can't have or maybe having a takeaway there is always a WW meal I can have to avoid temptation. The pizza and oven chips (chips = fries, not chips = crisps! US/UK) are also good. Sometimes I like to have some WW oven chips and ketchup as a treat. The desserts are also a nice treat. I usually have one a couple of times a week for dessert, sometimes I save it until later in the evening.

Do you think I have enough to last................lol

Weigh in - Monday 27th April 2009

2009-04-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

Just popping in before work for my weekly weigh in. I have a shorter working week this week for May day. I get Friday afternoon off and also Monday, so a nice long weekend to look forward to as certainly put a spring in my step! And losing another 3 pounds isn't half bad either. I have been on plan all week and done lots of walking, including a walk of almost 4 miles on Saturday at the coast. I really enjoyed it and could have easily done more. I am planning some longer walks at the weekend. I wish I didn't have to work and could go walking for hours everyday!

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)
Current weight 246 1/4 lb / 17st 8 1/4 lb*

This week lost 3 pounds *
So far lost 34 3/4 lb / 2st 6 3/4 lb
Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22/24

Next mini goal 238 / 17st
Angie x

Monday Blues

2009-04-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

HI, remember me? I know I really have no excuse for not blogging besides the fact that I just didn't make time for it last week. Last week was a great week on the exercise front...I did at least 30 min. everyday. On Saturday I had a great time walking with a friend in downtown D.C. -- the city is really beautiful.

My eating is still up and down - I am really trying to just gain control there. I have made a FORBIDANCE...fast food. It is just my downfall and one that I know I can't do. I just can't do it. I will keep you posted on that.

I will post some weight and measurements to stay consistent. I also want to take a picture with the same outfit and position once a month so that I can see the progress because I look at myself everyday in the mirror and I don't see the success.

This coming weekend I have several family obligations, it is going to require traveling and being put in situations with food and getting pictures taken. I know this may sound silly but I hate having my picture taken. I hate it. I love love love pictures but I hate being in front of the camera. I think the reality of it is just so horrible it is like WOW you are SOOOO fat dude. OH well, faced with the fact that I am always the biggest one in the room always just really plays on my mind.

I am just rambling...random, that is how I talk as well. My thoughts are just everywhere, I hope you can follow me :)

~k

Weigh In - 20th April 2009

2009-04-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 249 1/2 lb / 17st 11 1/2 lb
* This week lost 3 1/2 pounds *

Next mini goal 238 / 17st

So far lost 31 1/2 lb / 2st 3 1/2 lb

Size at startUK 26 / Current size UK 24

Angie x

Back

2009-04-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

I arrived back from my week at the coast this afternoon. I've really enjoyed myself but it is still good to be home. Even though I've enjoyed everyday to the two week break from work, I am still glad to be going back to my daily routine tomorrow.

I have logged my calories everyday and have also walked each day. I can't believe I've gone through Easter and my birthday without falling of track. It is a miracle and something that I have never managed in the past. I really feel that this time is going to be different. I am so focused and have already lost more weight than any other 'eating plan' I've been on. I don't know why I feel different this time but I do.

On the day of my birthday I even allowed myself to have anything I fancied. But I didn't want anything enough to spoil the hard work I'd put it. We went out for brunch and I picked a lovely brie, cranberry & orange panini.............

.............looks lovely doesn't it? It was, but all the time I was eating it, I was thinking I don't really need this. I felt like I had to have a treat for my birthday. We went to the pub and I had four glasses of red wine and then for dinner I picked steamed salmon and veggies and a Weight Watchers Belgian Chocolate Cake Slice (which was divine). I refused 'real' cake twice and seeing as cake is my absolute favourite food of all time, I am proud of myself for resisting.

Here are my totals for the week - I normally log my calorie intake daily on SP but it is time consuming to go back and list for a whole week so I am listing here instead so I am still tracking.

Monday 1415 cals/10 mins walking
Tuesday 1430 cals/20 mins walking
Wednesday 1123 cals/30 mins walking
Thursday 1810 cals/90 mins walking
Friday 1895 cals/20 mins walking
Saturday 2138 cals/10 min walking (my birthday)

I am crossing my fingers for my weigh in tomorrow!

Gutted

2009-04-12T22:43:00.000-07:00

Gutted - that is how I feel this morning. I have gained three pounds at my weigh! WHY? I have had a great week with food & I've exercised every day. I don't understand it. If really upsets me not to have a loss, but a three pound gain is so unfair. To top it off I am ill. I started feeling bad on Friday but by yesterday I was feeling much better. Then last night I felt bad again, I am full of cold, have a sore throat and a banging headache. I am suppose to be going to the caravan for a week this afternoon so hopefully I can shake it off before the journey to the coast.

So, I may not post again until next Sunday evening. I will carry on with this mission to lose weight and a three pound gain is not going to beat me. Maybe I will have a good loss next week. I do hope so. I will be keeping a food diary and walking every single day.

Have a great week!

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb(Jan 09)
Current weight 253 / 18st 1lb

This week + 3lbs (not happy)
Next mini goal 238 / 17st
So far lost 28 lb / 2st
Size at startUK 26 / Current size UK 24
Angie x

2009-04-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter.

I gave up chocolate for Lent - I can't believe I managed it. 40 days without chocolate for me is a miracle. Guess what I ate for breakfast? A Cadburys Creme Egg! I know it is not a good thing to eat for breakfast but I promised myself I would eat one and that would be that. I am planning on leaving chocolate out of my diet as much as possible, I don't need it anymore. Just a treat now and again. I am in control and that makes me happy!

I am also doing well with my walking everday in April. Yesterday I did 45 minutes of fast walking and finished it off by doing a 5 minute jog. I don't know who was more shocked me or the dog! I have decided to do a bit of gentle jogging every other day when I go for my walk. I will go over the fields on that day where it is nice and quiet, just one or two other dog walkers.

See - nice and discreet for a bit of wobbly jogging!

Time...

2009-04-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

One thing I have been really trying to focus on – actually I have no choice because for some reason it keeps on playing over and over in my head is this:

Time is going to pass regardless so you might as well do something with your time.

The time for vacation is going to pass, so if I was losing weight during that time think of how good I will feel about myself when vacation comes? Some days it is hard but most times it is okay and I just keep on keeping on…

Today I had a good day. I got up this morning and hit the gym – I am only wlaking on the treadmill right now but hey it is more than I was doing before. I also planned my lunch and breakfast and snacks. Dinner may be a little dicey because I have errands to run this evening and I don’t have my carpooler with me but I am still going to make a conscience effort of what I put in my mouth.

I really need to start tracking my food. Tracking my food is crucial for me. I wish I didn’t hate it so much.

~k

Difficult Day

2009-04-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

I have had a difficult day food wise today but I have managed to about survive it.... just. I don't know why but I have craved food all day long. Any food, today I just wanted to revert back to my pre-diet self and eat the whole day long. It is weird though because I haven't felt like doing this for weeks and I have no idea what triggered it. I have sailed through the previous weeks with ease and not been tempted to over eat. I have surprised myself by being strong, so unlike my usual diet attempts. My fear is that I will have a day like today, give in to it and then I will be unable to get back on track, slipping back into my old ways and regaining the pounds that I truly never want to see again. But today, thank goodness, is not that day.

My menu today:

Breakfast

Porridge with Splenda, water, semi skimmed milk and a tsp of low sugar jam.

Lunch

Egg mayo sandwich.

Dinner

Chinese King Prawns with tomatos, onions and boiled rice

Snack

1/2 pint semi skimmed milk

2 Ryvita Oat and Sunflower Seed with Philadelphia Light and pineapple (Yum Yum - see pic above)

Weight Watchers Mandarin Cheesecake

Daily Total = 1563

I have noticed that I am not eating as much fruit and veg over the past week as I normally do, so I need to increase this. I did drink my daily 8 cups of water today and although I found it a struggle at first, now I am easily getting through them and sometimes more.

I have also joined Kim on the challenge to walk every day during April. I walked for 30 minutes today. My walks have been brisk and vary between 20 - 60 minutes although I do intend to do longer ones next week while I am at the coast.

Angie x

Drive Thrus and Sugar...

2009-04-08T04:53:00.000-07:00

I am thinking that I need to carry a notebook around with me for post ideas because I think of things randomly and then when I sit down to write I just draw a blank. I set out on April 1 to walk everyday (exercise of choice right now) and so far so good. However, I know that I need to get my eating under control in order for me to really get the benefits. My eating is not bad right now but it is not all that great either and I am really having cravings and what not and I am giving into them...I know that I must "detox" my body of sugars so that I am not craving them. Maybe I will do that today -- nope I just made up my mind I will do that today. No more sugar and another thing I really needed to cut out or limit to once every 2 weeks is fast food. The car is a HUGE trigger for me. When I am in the car for whatever reason I feel like I need to go through the drive -thru and double cheeseburgers are my poison of choice (from McDonald's) the bitch of it is that they dont' even taste all that great 9 out of 10 times but I still get them. I really and truly needed to stop that.

That is all I got for now...
~k

Life is not Perfect

2009-04-06T06:30:00.001-07:00

I am so proud of my girl Angie, she is really doing well!

As I stated earlier this is really a journey for me to both shed mental and physical fat. I am so sick of being the fat girl. This morning I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and hit the gym at 5. I did 35 min. on the treadmill and then came home and showered so that I could get ready for work. I felt so good getting up and going to the gym, sure it was hard to get up but once I was up I knew I was doing the right thing and that was just motivating to me. I no longer want to not be able to go on an amusement park ride because I am too fat and yes I have had to get off of one of those before (talk about EMBARRASSING). I want to be able to fly and not worry about whether I will fit, will I be comfortable, etc. The emotional trauma Isend myself through being fat is just really ridiculous. So I wonder why I do it? I guess if I had the answer to that question I would be worth a few million. I am sure there are tons of obese people that would love to know why they are STILL overweight. I know I am an emotional eater but I am trying so hard to just divert my energy and attention in other directions because lets face it there is always going to be something going on. Life is never perfect.

Angie really mentioned goals and I definitely have some goals to set for myself. I think having a goal and working towards it is imperative. They set us up for success and success breeds self esteem. My first goal is to workout everyday in April. As of right now I am 6 for 6 – YAHOO! This weekend is a holiday weekend (Easter) and I am headed out of town to meet up with an old friend so I know it could get a little dicey. But I have a plan – I am going to workout Friday morning before I leave and then Sunday when I return and Saturday I will workout either on the treadmill at the gym in the hotel or the parking lot for a walk. Regardless I know I will do something all of those days. Traveling can also throw a wrench in the eating plan but I am going to just try my best to make good choices.

That is all I got for now...

~k

Weigh In - Monday 6th April

2009-04-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

I am jumping for joy this morning!

I weighed in and have lost 4 3/4 pounds - I can't believe it. I have been consistent for the first time ever on a diet. I haven't had one bad day or treat for weeks which goes to show that this dieting thing does work. I was ready to take a small loss this week after losing 4 pounds last week. I am delighted!

I am going for a long walk this morning to celebrate!

And I've decided I am not going to shy away from putting my weight up here for all to see. Because I am going to shift my excess weight this time and I will have nothing to be embarrassed about!

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb(Jan 09)

Current weight 250 / 17st 12lb

Next mini goal 238 / 17st

So far lost 31 lb / 2st 3lb

Size at startUK 26 / Current size UK 24

Angie x

Springtime and Whales...

2009-04-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

As Angie so gracefully introduced us to this blog, I just wanted to come in here and make it pretty - I think I like it so far...

Let me first say I am a horrible writer but I feel this is imperative to my success of weight loss. I need to lose the weight physically and mentally once and for all. Just the past few months I have had some health scares and it has just made me realize just how crucial it is to treat my body like a temple and to have my health. I know that I can't do this alone and I know that the more I write things down, ask for support, push forward the more successful I will be at this. I am a big girl and I am so done being the fat girl. Spring time is rolling around here in D.C. and I am once again faced with the -- OMG I AM SO FLIPPIN' FAT, I FEEL LIKE A BEACHED WHALE..."

Here is a little eye candy for you of our beautiful Cherry Blossoms.

Sunday 5th April 2009

2009-04-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

With another weigh in looming, I decided today to do some extra exercise. So after my daily walk, I got stuck into some gardening. Digging, sweeping, bending.....I was worn out! I am a little achy this evening but the garden looks great!

I get nervous before weigh in. I think I am always afraid it may be a gain, even when I've had a good week. I am frightened that if I am disappointed, it will throw me off track and off the diet completely. I'm sure it wouldn't really but that is my fear. Luckily so far I have had a loss every week. My smallest loss was three quarters of a pound. I wasn't happy but I gave myself a little talking to and carried on. The following week I lost 4 pounds and was jumping for joy! I was good with food and exercise both the weeks so it just goes to show that each and every week is different at the scale and you have to carry on regardless.

Angie x

Hello from UKAngie150

2009-04-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Hello - I am Angie (UKAngie150). I am 40 years young and live in, yes you guessed it, the UK! After many years of talking about it, stopping and starting, my very good friend Kim & I have decided enough is enough....it is time to shift some pounds for good. This is the place we will meet up daily or sometimes weekly (when life is busy) and write about our journey, the good days AND the bad. Though hopefully we will not have too many bad days!

So far I have lost 26 1/4 pounds.

I still have a loonnnnggg way to go.

I weigh in on Mondays.

2009-04-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

No more excuses - time to lose the weight once and for all.