Broken Promises

I have been promising myself and Angie that I was going to be more faithful with the blog posting. I have even in my mind logged in a million times over and yet never did it. I am sitting here at 4:30 a.m. because I can't sleep from acid reflux issues and have just decided to write. I know that I need accountability. I have been doing horribly and I am so proud of Angie for doing so well, she is in control and achieving her goals that a tiny bit of my feels even like a bigger failure for not being in control. I am a no nonsense kind of gal and feel like there is no use in complaining about things unless you are going to do something about them because honestly you are in control and we are defined by our choices. OUCH, that stinks - we are defined by our choices! Well, with that being said I have made a lot of darn choices. Here I am 33 years old, single, feeling lonely and obese. WOW, good combo! I THINK NOT! I am in control of my life, it is about darn time I take control back.

I have a lot of living left to do and I have a lot of will to live. I am just trapped in this fat girl body and I am ready to get out!

With that being said. I am making a list of forbiddens for myself. Things that are not allowed, things that are just not an option for me.

*soda
*fast food
*sweet tea
*trail mix

All of those items are unnecessary and start a downward spiral for myself.

Do you have any forbiddens?

Summer

Sorry for the absence - I have been busy. I've also been adjusting to using a laptop instead of computer. I am finally getting the hang of it. At least now I will have internet access on the weekends, while I am at the coast.

I lost 5 pounds this week which I know sounds good but it isn't when it is part of the 6 gained the week before. I am so happy though, because the old me would have let that slip up ruin everything but instead I carried on. I feel great, it is so good to be in control for a change. I am really hoping for a good weigh in on Monday, and I will update on here properly then.

The weather here in the UK is hot and sunny this week. So I am enjoying watching Wimbledon, getting plenty of walking in and eating some low fat, low cal lollies and ice creams for treats. And, of course some strawberries but I have had them without the cream :)

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 240 lb / 17st 2 lb
* This week gained 6 pounds *

So far lost 41 lb / 2st 12lb

Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22
Next mini goal 224 / 16st
Angie x

OH MY GOSH - I am a walking disaster! All I did was take Friday and Saturday off and I gained 6 pounds. That is ridiculous. I didn't go over by all that much.

OK I need to realise that this is a fluke. Maybe water or something. I need to make sure it doesn't throw me off my diet. Just keep on doing what I was doing before. I lost 47 pounds so it must be working.

Belated weigh In for Monday 15th June 2009

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)
Current weight 234 lb / 16st 10 lb

* This week lost 3 pounds *
So far lost 47 lb / 3st 4lb
Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22

Next mini goal 224 / 16st

Angie x

Hello - here is my weigh in from almost a week ago! I have been sooooo busy I didn't have chance to post until now. But I am happy to report that I have lost 3 pounds.

I have been working some extra hours and also I bought a new laptop which is taking up my precious spare time, I am trying to adjust to using it. Plus I am having to load everything up and transfer my pictures and files from my old PC to the laptop. NOT that I am complaining though - I LOVE it!

I have also taken an unplanned diet break over the weekend. I have been to the coast and we had friends to stay. Of course that involved going to the pub quite a bit. I did allow myself some beer on Friday night and we ate out on Saturday and today. I haven't gone too mad but I am so surprised to report that I really missed my healthy eating! I can't wait to get back into routine tomorrow. I don't know what the weigh in will bring - but whatever the outcome, I am so ready to have a great week.

Getting Serious...with myself!

Hey, remember me? I read all these blogs and I find so much inspiration and I love that people are conquering their demons and making their goals and I think to myself that could be me but deep down I know what it will take to get there and I think to myself I have failed so many times there is no way it could ever be me.

WOW, did any of that make sense? The long and short is that I sabotage myself. Through thoughts, self doubt, lack of ambition, laziness, you name it and I do it.

Quite honestly I am sick of it. I am sick of all of it. I am sick of being a failure. I am sick of being fat, I am sick of being out of shape, I am sick of not living my life. I am sick of being sick.
There is ABSOLUTELY NO reason I cannot accomplish my goals. There is no reason I cannot keep up with things. There is no reason except that I have become EXTREMELY lazy. `

I hope to be better about updating here because I really want a record of my progress. I think the reason I lack journaling of any sort is because I worry about failure or that I know I won’t keep up with it but the questions I have to ask myself is did I ever really try?

Weigh In 8th June 2009

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)

Current weight 237 lb / 16st 13 lb
* This week lost 5 pounds *

So far lost 43 lb / 3st 1lb

Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22
Next mini goal 224 / 16st

Angie x

I am feeling so good right now. I am down 5 pounds this week. At last a decent loss - woohoo.
I am so focused again, thank goodness. I ate out at a chinese restaurant tonight with my man, J and my parents. I stayed in control and managed to handle the situation easily. I only ate a really small portion and because I was casual about it, no one really noticed. When we arrived back home, J mentioned to me that he noticed I didn't eat much and asked why. I said I didn't want to spoil my diet. He said he was really impressed with my willpower. (What MY willpower? wow - I actually have willpower?!) But, do you know what? I am impressed with myself. And it is a really loonnnnnng time since that happened. Please please please let me keep it up!

Weigh In - 1st June 2009

Starting weight 281 /20st 1lb (Jan 09)
Current weight 242 lb / 17st 4 lb

* This week lost 1 pound *
So far lost 38 lb / 2st 10 lb
Size at start UK 26 / Current size UK 22

Next mini goal 224 / 16st
Angie x

My total Sparkpoints for May = 908
TOTAL Spark Exercise Minutes for May= 660
(my April minutes were 520)

My new target for June is 1000 - can I do it?

My new mini goal is 224

I am also giving up chocolate and sweet foods and only allowed Weightwatchers cake etc